


Are You Satisfied?

by felinedetached



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, everyone else is mentioned/referanced, only dirks in this, plz dirk is lonely and i love this song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 09:17:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11437809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felinedetached/pseuds/felinedetached
Summary: People like to tell you what you're gonna beIt's not my problem if you don't see what I seeAnd I do not give a damn if you don't believeMy problem, it's my problemThat I never am happyIt's my problem, it's my problemOn how fast I will succeedAre you satisfied?





	Are You Satisfied?

There’s an odd calm about you when you receive the news. It’s almost unnatural. In three years you will play a game, and your life will change forever. Very soon, you will finish the AI you’ve been working on, and your life here, in this waterworld, will change too.

 

The AI you create is smug, curious, amazing. He’s all of your worst traits, but he’s some of his own, and you hate him because he’s you, but love him because he’s your creation. From your conversations, he only seems to have picked up on the hate. It makes you sad, that you jaded a creation that’s barely a year old with your shit. 

 

People have called you a visionary - mainly Roxy and Jake - but they’re wrong. They’d tell you that you’d be famous if you just showed people your inventions, if you lived in the real world. That you’d be hailed as an expert on AI’s. They’re probably right about that, but you can’t see a future, you just create what you need  _ now _ . It’s insanely selfish, in your opinion, but they don’t seem to see it the same way you do. 

 

They tell you to cheer up because you’ve accomplished things they consider amazing. You don’t really react - your happiness is your problem, not theirs. 

 

There are so many factors in your life that you wish you could change.

 

You never tell Jane or Jake those things.

 

They tell you to just do what makes you happy, live your life, but in life, shit isn’t cheap. To build the robots they tell you to you’d need to go diving deep into the water, which you know from experience is full of various deadly creatures and other beings. It’s generally not a nice place to be, but that’s the price you’d have to pay to do this.

 

Everything has a price.

 

You want to shove everything you own into a duffle bag and teleport to Jake’s island. There are a few problems with that though - you don’t want to leave Squarewave and Sawtooth behind, and you don’t know how you’d get there anyway. There’s also Jake’s reaction, which you’re pretty sure would be good?

 

You think.

 

But you don’t know him as well as you think you do. You know you don’t. You just… hope you know him better.

 

These kinds of thoughts make you want to finally drink some of that alcohol Roxy sent you forever ago, sometimes make you want to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes and invite the diseases the media from 400 years ago warned you about.

 

These kinds of thoughts make you want to hide from yourself. You should have thrown Roxy’s expensive Vodka out the window years ago.

 

You should have thrown yourself out the window, to be honest. It’s not like your friends give a shit about you - you’re clingy, annoying, aloof. You know you come off as feeling superior, but you’ve never really made an effort to change it.

 

This life isn’t a satisfactory one. You’re simultaneously relieved and scared of the change to come.

 

They say that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

 

Hopefully, that will be true for you too.

 

Hopefully, it'll be true for you, even though your fence is a wall that spans 400 years and an ocean.

 

Hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on tumblr [@felinedetached](https://felinedetached.tumblr.com/) im bored and lazy and its the school holidays


End file.
